


Forgive Me

by Girl_of_pure_memory_03



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort ( if you have good eyesight), I don't have much more to say, Kili's as good at forgiving as I'm bad at tagging, Sadness, Thorin makes A LOT of mistakes, Very Sick!Kili, life story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 04:57:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10404438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girl_of_pure_memory_03/pseuds/Girl_of_pure_memory_03
Summary: The first time I held you, I knew that the baby in my arms was a true heir of Durin. I could tell by the bearing on your face. It was proud and happy, like you knew your purpose in this world.Thorins account from the start of Kili's life, to the end.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello world. I'm just a normal girl who turned 13 like a week ago, making me eligible for an account. I have probably about 6 different archives, so leave comments below, so I know if you want to read some proper archives or not. And those archives will actually be lengthy! 
> 
>  
> 
> Just so you know, I know EXACTLY what happens in the movies and book, I just wanted to change it around a bit!! ;) 
> 
> Please oh please comment. I promise I'll reply, and make the replies nice and long!!
> 
> Suggestions for new archives are VERY welcome ( As long as they revolve around Kili )
> 
> Hope you like it! This is actually my first archive I've written, so...

The first time I held you, I knew the baby in my arms was a true heir of Durin. I could tell by the bearing on your face. It was proud and happy, like you knew your purpose in this world. Your father had died in battle before you were born, and your mother died just after your birth. I was saddened to know that I was the only father you would get to know. Fili had just learned that your mother was dead. But she named you before she died. She named you Kili. I called out to Fili, introducing him to you as his little brother. Fili instantly took a great loving to you. He promised to be the best big brother in the world. And as far as I could see, he kept that promise till the end. 

Each day you grew older, and we came to realise you only had one purpose: To make your loved ones lives be enriched with happiness. If someone looked sad, you would do your very best to cheer them up. If they were happy, you would just make them happier still. 

But there was one person you cared about more than anyone else.  
Fili. He was your best friend, and you his. One was never far away from the other. If one wasn't with the other after a few hours, a big search party would instantly be assembled. A few times you did this just for amusement, and when we found you, you would be in hysterical laugher on the ground. 

Years passed and you started training. I took you to the weaponry and gave you your choice of weapon.  
To my amazement and slight disapproval, you were instantly drawn to the bow. I refused to teach you, and gave you a sword to practice with instead.

It was Bofur who gave it to you. It was your birthday, and without my knowledge he gave you your very first bow. You were overjoyed with the gift, and kept it till this very day. When I learned about it, I was furious, but you pleaded and I decided to let you learn on your own, not really expecting you to be any good. 

It was not until much later I learned about your skill. According to Fili, you had been practicing for a very long time, and were a natural. I was shocked at my blindness, and I knew I had to see your skill myself.  
It amazed me, and still amazes me now, your perfect accuracy, your sheer concentration, how you hit the bullseye every time. But what amazed me the most is how you put up with the teasing from other children. They would often tease you for using an Elvish weapon. But you stood your ground, and showed them what you were worth. 

Many years went by and people often commented on how close you and Fili were. It shocked me about how close you two were. It was an even stronger bond that Frerin and I. You did look a lot like Frerin actually, and although I never told you this, some people thought that you were possibly him, returning to our own world. But who could blame them? You were so alike in appearance and characteristics, that even the sanest people could mistake you. 

Finally, it was decided. We would take back Erebor. You were barely of age, and at first I was against you coming. But I needed Fili on this quest, and I knew that if you came, Fili would definitely come to. He could bare being separated from you, and I knew that you felt the same way. And it might be useful to have a good archer anyways. 

You and Fili left before me to go to bag end. We heard that there was a hobbit who may join us on the quest. Very unlikely I thought, because after all the excitement that night, he looked liked he never wanted to see another dwarf again. And at the end of the day, the choice was his and his alone. 

We left a note for him to find. I overheard you and Fili doing a little betting. You thought that he’d turn up, and Fili totally disagreed with that. But something occurred to me then. You didn't actually think he'd turn up, you were just showing what you had wanted someone to show you so many times before.Trust. I secretly thought you were reckless, which was the only reason I didn't trust you. But I was still angry at myself for making you feel that way. 

Surprisingly Mr Baggins showed up. There was a big show of happiness there. The secret bet between you and Fili was revealed then, and you found yourself very satisfied with your money. But this happiness quickly evaporated because of you. 

It was raining heavily when I sent you out with Fili to look after the ponies. There must have been a loud clap of Thunder, because a few of the ponies bolted. Despite Fili’s pleas, you dived in after them. Fili tried to go in after you, but we held him back. After many desperate attempts, we got the got the horses back safely, but by the time we dragged you back to shore, you were unconscious and not breathing. We got you breathing again, and were to relieved to give you a lecture then. That was saved for later. 

It was a big lecture. I tried to remain calm but I couldn't. Told you again and again how reckless and irresponsible you were. You kept a straight face and showed no emotion. But it was so clear that you felt hurt. Because hurt was all we could see in your eyes. But when I started comparing you to Fili, you didn't try to conceal it any more. And before I could continue the lecture, you raced off into the darkness. 

It wasn't until after the trolls that we found you. The rest of the company returned to camp, all except Dwalin, Bofur, Fili and myself. It was hours later when we found you near an old log, sobbing fretfully into your arms. Fili and Bofur rushed over to you, and comforted you, eventually calming you down. But you glanced at me with a hurt expression, and didn't say much to me after. 

It wasn't until the goblin caves that you properly forgave me. You let Rivendell pass by with few words, but it wasn't until now that you started talking to me again. The stone giants terrified you, but when the goblin king stepped forward, you started having a panic attack. You started hyperventilating as the goblins tried to take you away, but that never happened. We fought for you. I showed that I cared. And it was then that you forgave me. 

Mirkwood. A place I never wanted to set foot in again. The worst thing were the spiders. They tried to kill us. But we fought, killing most of them. But as soon as we escaped, we were caught by elves. Not like the ones in Rivendell. Oh no. These were the ones that had betrayed us all those years ago. We were imprisoned in dark cells. But that was not the worst thing. The worst thing was escaping.

Bilbo managed to get us out and into barrels. And that's where the elves saw us and locked the iron gate. Then was the orc attack. You were the only one brave enough to fight. We watched as you fought your way to the leaver that controlled the gate. But Bolg saw you first. In all the braveness you showed, you took an arrow to the leg. The torture that showed on your face was torture for all of us. An expression we would never forget. 

When we got to a shore, you got out and collapsed. I was filled with worry. We rushed over to you. We knew we had to bind your leg. We knew we had no time. I quickly applied a bandage, and we had to leave it at that. I told you how sorry I was that I couldn't do more at that moment, but you just said to leave it, and that you forgive me. 

A mysterious man called Bard was the one that saved us. He took us to his home and showed great hospitality. Fili came and talked to me, saying that you were growing weaker, and that that the arrow wound was not improving. I silently put these facts together, and a nasty thought struck my mind. That night, my worst fear was confirmed.

You were very pale when I asked if you were feeling alright. You said you were fine, but as you tried to stand, you collapsed into my arms. You felt hot, yet you were shivering like it was freezing, despite the roaring fire I front of us. I called Oin over, who quickly confirmed you had a dreadful fever. I called Fili over and told him something he never wanted to hear. The arrow that had shot you was poisoned. That poison was now running freely through your veins. Suddenly you let out a loud whimper. Fili was by your side instantly, trying to comfort you. But nothing he said could stop the agony slicing through you. You let out a low scream. Oin rushed over to you, took one glance and quietly told Fili and I the chances of your survival were so slim, that it might be best to say goodbye now. The rest of the company were already staring at you in fear of what might happen. Fili was sobbing, saying that there was no way you could give up now. No way you could leave him. I don't know if you could hear him or not, but you smiled faintly up at him, trying to form his name on your lips, before shutting your eyes. Fili screamed your name, but you were already dying. Luckily, Gandalf chose this particular moment to appear. We heard someone knocking on the door,and as soon as I opened it, despite my utter shock, I started pleading with him to save your life. Without hesitation, he rushed to your side where you were cradled in Fili’s arms, where he started reciting different spells. After a few minutes, you started to open your eyes, where you were greeted by your brother smiling softly down at you. You tried to say his name, but he quickly ushered you, rocking you back and forth until you fell asleep in his arms. 

Smaug was dead, Erebor was reclaimed, but I had a sickness so much worse than yours. I had Dragon Sickness. I didn't realise how much I hurt you until much later. I remember shouting that you were worthless. Not worthy of being a Durin. I couldn't see past those tears in your eyes. I was blind to the excruciating pain you were suffering. I rarely shouted at Fili, and when I did, it was because he was protecting you. But then the battle started. It raged on outside the mountain, and we didn't fight. No. We let our kin fight our own battles. We let them die for us. And I didn't care.

It was Dwalin who got me out of it. He told me what I had become. How I was hurting you. I shouted at him to get out, but it was when he left I realised what I had become. I heard the battle outside. I realised what I'd become. How could you ever forgive me for hurting you so much? I slowly threw the crown off my head and walked up the stairs. You were all silently sitting in the entrance, sadly looking out at the battlefield. You were the first one to notice my presence. You stood up, and before I could say anything, you started yelling out all of the anger and hurt that had collected in your mind these past weeks. You told me that you couldn't let other people sacrifice themselves for you. You told me that you would let go of all your dignity to be out there fighting, and not watching others die for your sake. I could tell you expected me to punish you. I walked up to you and placed a hand on your chest. I once more begged for your forgiveness. But it wasn't like the other times I'd done that. This time I was crying. I didn't expect forgiveness after all I'd done to you, but right on that spot you told me you forgave me.

I could sense you and Fili freeze at my side. We were in Raven Hill. This was both of your first major battles. Dwalin was with me as well, and the rest of the company were due up soon. A screeching sound filled the air. I looked up to see about 100 orcs racing towards us. There leader looked strangely familiar. Then I realised it was Bolg. The same Orc that had shot you. You let out a Moab of fear. A squeezed your hand as he looked at you with upmost loathing. But that was then the tragedy happened. Suddenly, 50 or so Orcs ran between us, dividing you from the rest us. Fili and I yelled out your name, but Bolg had started stalking towards you. But what scared me most was the tall blade on his hand. 

Suddenly, the rest of the company arrived. It was a moments relief until I remembered that we were all cut off by the Orcs. Fili yelled for you as Bolg came nearer and nearer with the blade. You struggled to get back to the company, but were held down by more orcs and a few goblins. Bolg was now towering over you with the blade aimed directly over your chest. I heard you plead for mercy, but it was to late. With one swift movement, Bolg plunged the blade into your chest.

Fili screamed and yelled in an effort to get to you. The whole company fought like crazy to get to you. But in the end there was no need. Something or someone obviously distracted them, and they started racing downhill and to the outskirts of Dale. I know I should have been worried, but the only thing on my mind was you. Fili was running twice as fast as me, and when he got to you, he pulled you into his arms and started stroking your hair. I knew then that he knew what was about to happen. The other members of the company bowed down to you and I raced over. The light was already fading from your eyes. Together Fili and I sobbed as you said that you loved us. As you took your last breath, I will never forget the last words you spoke. I forgive you.


End file.
